Believe it or not, I have heard those words on more than one occassion. And yes, before you ask, they were directed specifically toward me. I was shopping with my mum, yeah yeah lame whatever, for some sweaters and stuff to update my wardrobe because as usual this winter I was without decent sweaters and long sleeve shirts; anyway I was walking into the dressing room, sweaters in hand, and just as I enter the little room I hear this woman telling me that I have chosen some nice shirts. When I turn to thank her she said something else, and I wanted to smack the hell out of her. She looks me dead in the face and says “You know, sweetie, you’d be really pretty if you weren’t fat.” My jaw drops, and I bite back a stream of cuss words, which was a feat in its self; just about the time I come up with something coherent that isn’t full of cuss words and is just sarcasm and snark her skinny daughter comes out of the dressing room with a stack of jeans and shirts and the two vanished. Dumbfounded and irritated, I entered the dressing room and tried on my sweaters. This was not the first time someone has told me I’d be pretty if I weren’t fat. In fact, I’m used to it, though it still irritates me. I’ve heard those words from a variety of people, and, while it does still hit me hard at times, I’ve gotten to the point where I just want to look at them and say “Thank you Captain Obvious. I realize that if I were slimmer and more fit I’d be more attractive. I realize that my fat stomach is not pleasing to the eye. I get it, so I’m working on it. By the way, I’m well aware of the fact that I am not skinny, but that doesn’t make me ugly. Worry about your own body, thanks.”
Granted, I do need to lose weight. That is one thing I knew long ago, but with stress and mock and classs I’ve been so busy and so fried that I just couldn’t focus on working out and eating right. But I’ve come to the realization that I have to do it, I have to lose the weight and get in shape. Otherwise I’m just going to continue being huge and out of shape and unhealthy, and I just can’t deal with that. I’m tired of knowing that I am fat, regardless of what Wash, Spoony, D –, and everyone else has told me. I’m tired of not being able to wear what I want to wear, and I’m tired of feeling like a blimp next to my friends. I’ve been the fat friend for far too long, and I’m done with it. I know that I can be attractive, there are days when I feel absolutely fantastic about my appearance, except for my weight. Last night I took my measurements, so I could set myself some goals, and I was appalled. Needless to say I will not be posting them here, ever, but I have sert some goals and made a plan, and I’m going to reach them.
Today I’m a bit sore, and I’m glad. It means that I am working my muscles and burning fat. Every night I go at least a mile on the treadmill, which is really boring but effective, and I use the ab lounge, which I have affectionately named the Rack. I’m also weight training because muscle burn fat and I need to build up my muscle any way. That reminds me that I need to buy some wristbraces so I don’t destroy my wrists, especially my right one that I broke and never healed properly, doing curls and bench presses. I impressed myself last night when I was doing my lower body work out; I did 50 lbs on my legs, and, though I’m pretty sore, it feels pretty awesome. Also I’m pleased to report that my Slimfast shakes are actually fairly awesome; they don’t taste bad, and I think they are working. I wasn’t as hungry as I normally am, and I had a lot more energy. I’m already feeling better, and it makes me excited.
Quote of the Day: “Don’t you know you’re beautiful?
Don’t you know you’re beautiful?
Don’t you know you’re beautiful?
Just the way you are!”- Kellie Pickler, “Don’t You Know You’re Beautiful”
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